Feb 27, 2012

Things I Learned from Watching the Academy Awards...

1) I need a personal stance.  Presenter Angelina Jolie seems to have a personal stance and I want one, too.  Hers is a straight-on look, head high, gaze direct, while her right leg is cocked sideways all the way out of her sky-high dress slit. Now, she got a little ribbing for her bold signature stance: when the Best Adapted Screenplay team she announced accepted their award; two of the men, dressed in suits, copied her pose. Very disrespectful, but trailblazers always get ridiculed, right?

I spent sleepless hours last night working on my signature stance and I came up with the fencer's pose.  This is the classic "en garde" stance, sword arm straight out front, even with the shoulder. The other arm is curved up and slightly back in a half circle.  I think this pose commands attention and will improve my posture.  It's very versatile and useful...I can put a book in my sword hand and read, or the remote control to point it at the TV. I can carry packages in the hook of my arced arm and build one bicep.  If I switch arms every week or so I can stay symmetrical.  Cooking may be a little trickier but at least I won't get grease-splattered if I'm standing that far back.

2) Every day I should pay attention to what clothes I put on so I can answer the "Who are you wearing" question whenever it comes flying at me, say on the mud-tracked carpet at the mall entrance. Today my list would be Caslan cardigan, Jones New York long sleeve tee, Not Your Daughter's Jeans, Steve Madden boots and my unmentionables. I'll happily twirl around and show how my cardigan gets a bit of a lift if I spin fast. But if I start from my signature stance, you'd better watch out for the sword hand, it sticks out pretty far; and the elbow on the arc arm would hurt if you got clipped.

3) Accessories make the outfit. Will Ferrell and Zack Galifianakis could have made a boring presentation of the sound editing award, but they had the foresight to accessorize their white tuxes with cymbals.  Cymbals are shiny and add dazzle to a colorless outfit. They also add an element of surprise.  No one expects you to accessorize with orchestra instruments! Will and Zack taught me to be bold: scarves and earrings are old hat (so are old hats).  Daring new accessories I'm considering include a riding lawnmower and a life vest.

Rose Byrne and Melissa McCarthy had their own spin on accessorizing; the hidden accessory.  Evidently McCarthy kept her one-ounce accessory in her cleavage, ready for any Scorcese-themed drinking game.  A handy trick for anywhere but airport security.

4) Always be positive.  Boy, Nick Nolte is one positive guy and I want to be like him. He seems to be going deaf and he couldn't hear the red carpet interviewer's questions.  But that didn't stop him from responding!  No, you can't keep Nolte down.  He answered, "I didn't understand a word you said so I'll just say yes." If Nick can be that upbeat and willing to face whatever the world throws at him, I'll do my darnedest to be gung-ho, too.   The answer is "Yes, yes, a thousand times yes," no matter the question. Would I like to buy gift wrap?  Yes!  Would I like to sign your petition on mumble mumble?  Yes, I would!!  Does that skirt make you look fat?  Yes!  Big smile.  Stay positive. People will appreciate it.

Oh, you never know where you'll learn life lessons.


  1. Loved this. I completely relate. Miss you, glad I found your blog!

  2. I miss you, too, Mary Lee. It sounds like you've settled into Texas, with your own indomitable spirit.