Jun 4, 2012

Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam

I seem to receive emails at the rate of fifty a day all targeted at the wrong demographic. I don't have a penis. I don't need to lengthen it and I certainly don't want to "scare people with my tool."  The last tool I used around here was a hammer to hang a cute little 'Cafe' sign over the entry to the kitchen.  How do you scare people while decorating the house?

And I've never had aspirations of achieving "my true manhood" or becoming the "Pied Pecker of chicks."  Aren't chicks those cute little fluffy cheepers? Who writes this stuff?  Are there paid ad-copy writers who come up with "hit a home run every night with your gigantic bat"?  Please tell me these aren't aspiring writers who haven't managed to successfully pitch their screenplay to a studio.

Ninety-nine percent of my spam folder is filled with penis-related help.  I could "take two pills" and, on the Barry White end of things, "become the latest love guru in town," or, at the other end of the spectrum, become "cockzilla."  My, oh, my.  I wish the spammers could see the frumpy, middle-aged, trifocal-wearing woman squinting at the screen to read their marketing attempts.

Yesterday, though, I got a very promising email that somehow ended up in my spam folder.  A nice U.S. Army Sergeant stationed in Yemen has a business proposal for me.  Heaven knows how he found me. And there is no risk!  After I get back to the Sergeant, I'll let you know more about his venture.  I think I could make millions.  Oh, and he also said the plan is easy. "There is no risk and it is easy" were his exact words.  Wow! This could be really big, I mean huge, and Yemen has an economy with longterm growth potential.

Isn't it odd that an email so different from the others ended up in my spam?


  1. That is the same guy who sent you the Viagra offers.........He figured that you needed $$$$$ to go with that BIG BAT :)

    ( your friend, Jamie)

  2. Man, now I feel so stupid! I should have realized.