Have you ever paid
attention to People's Sexiest Man Alive feature, in which they name the absolute sexiest man in the whole world, who coincidentally happens to be a movie star? Wait, what am I
asking? I'm sure a lot of you have paid great attention.
But here's what I'm thinking about; what happens to these poor guys the
following year?
Mark Harmon won in 1986 and
hasn't won since. Has he been horribly disfigured in a freak accident in
Abby's lab? He has not. Is he still alive? He is.
And in fact, he's not only still sexy, he's actually more sexy now that
he's matured. I may just be saying that because I, too, have 'matured'
but still, don't you agree?
I'm guessing a lot of women
and men would vote for Matthew McConaughey now that he's playing a stripper in Magic
Mike but his win was back in 2005. How he must have suffered in the
past seven years knowing he'd lost his superlative and worldwide sexiness to
George Clooney, who then lost his to Matt Damon, who went on to lose his to
Hugh Jackman, and on down the line. There ought to be a support group for
these poor fellows!
To make matters worse for the single-title guys, a second title is possible, just rare. Three guys have been named
twice: Brad Pitt; yes, George Clooney; and Johnny
Depp. Maybe in their off-title years they put on a few pounds
or sported an unfortunate hairstyle, then realized they had another shot at the
title, started hitting the gym or made an appointment at the barber.
Cue the theme from Rocky and pan to the cover of People. Wait a minute, Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp obviously have not been to the barber so that's not the answer. Why them? Why never once Robert Downey Junior?
Oh, how the one-timers must feel, knowing that a second win is possible but they just
didn't make the cut. From the top of Sexy Mountain to the bottom of Schlemiel
Ravine in just one year! They must wander the streets of Hollywood wishing someone, anyone, would recognize them and at least tell them they're cute, or they have a nice personality. Maybe that they dress well, or have great pronunciation. Throw these poor guys a bone.
