Jul 20, 2012

Sexiest Man Alive

Have you ever paid attention to People's Sexiest Man Alive feature, in which they name the absolute sexiest man in the whole world, who coincidentally happens to be a movie star?  Wait, what am I asking?  I'm sure a lot of you have paid great attention.  But here's what I'm thinking about; what happens to these poor guys the following year?  

Mark Harmon won in 1986 and hasn't won since.  Has he been horribly disfigured in a freak accident in Abby's lab?  He has not.  Is he still alive?  He is.  And in fact, he's not only still sexy, he's actually more sexy now that he's matured.  I may just be saying that because I, too, have 'matured' but still, don't you agree?

I'm guessing a lot of women and men would vote for Matthew McConaughey now that he's playing a stripper in Magic Mike but his win was back in 2005.  How he must have suffered in the past seven years knowing he'd lost his superlative and worldwide sexiness to George Clooney, who then lost his to Matt Damon, who went on to lose his to Hugh Jackman, and on down the line. There ought to be a support group for these poor fellows!  

To make matters worse for the single-title guys, a second title is possible, just rare. Three guys have been named twice: Brad Pitt; yes, George Clooney; and Johnny Depp. Maybe in their off-title years they put on a few pounds or sported an unfortunate hairstyle, then realized they had another shot at the title, started hitting the gym or made an appointment at the barber.  Cue the theme from Rocky and pan to the cover of People. Wait a minute, Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp obviously have not been to the barber so that's not the answer.  Why them?  Why never once Robert Downey Junior?

Oh, how the one-timers must feel, knowing that a second win is possible but they just didn't make the cut. From the top of Sexy Mountain to the bottom of Schlemiel Ravine in just one year! They must wander the streets of Hollywood wishing someone, anyone, would recognize them and at least tell them they're cute, or they have a nice personality.  Maybe that they dress well, or have great pronunciation.  Throw these poor guys a bone.  


  1. And only white guys are sexy? Hmm...

  2. Yes, Denzel Washington is the only African American named ever. Ridiculous.